


Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

by ACatWhoWrites



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Multiple Pairings, Multiple Partners, Red String of Fate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 19:56:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2360351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ACatWhoWrites/pseuds/ACatWhoWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sehun's looking for his other half, who doesn't want to be found.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fate decides who works best with whom. People learn their future through their dreams. As they sleep, they walk their dreams and look for their other half. Their soul mate. Life partner. Lover. Best friend.

What one side dreams, the other does, as well. There is a level of control they share, but it is a developed skill. When Sehun dreams, he feels as though he has no control.

He meanders the streets in early evening, looking at the signless buildings and bright stars beginning to shine through the sunset. He never sees anyone, no matter where he goes, and he wonders if this is just a simple dream until he sees a single silhouette on a bench.

“Hello?”

The silhouette's head tilts to the side, but they're silent.

“Um … Are you — ?”

The silhouette abruptly stands and walks briskly away, leaving Sehun confused, offended, and a little hurt. He's torn between following the person and walking back the way he came, but wind cuts through the stillness, and he's woken by his mom knocking on his door, telling him to get ready for school.

 

 

Throughout elementary and middle school, Sehun's best friend is Baekhyun, a petite-framed boy sporting a friendly smile and warm eyes with a puppy-like droop to the outside corners. Although two years older, he doesn't act any more mature than the friends Sehun's own age, which is both a boon and bane to Sehun.

They spend a lot of their free time outside of school together, playing games and eating out and goofing off. Baekhyun is very good at setting the mood, and, as if he was born to entertain, he always makes people laugh. Everyone likes him.

About when Sehun's a second-year and Baekhyun's a senior, Sehun finally admits to himself that he has a crush, when he fantasizes about Baekhyun's hands on him.

He never says anything, and he tells himself he never ever will, because he notices the touches and looks Baekhyun shares with Jongdae, the third member of their dynamic trio. Jongdae attends a neighbouring school and has a friendly but mischievous reputation. Sehun's often the target of his and Baekhyun's teasing, but he's also treated like a precious younger brother, so he can't begrudge his friends' possibly-more-intimate-than-normal-friendship relationship.

Still doesn't change his feelings for Baekhyun, though.

 

 

One evening after school, Baekhyun and Sehun meet up at Jongdae's house for a dinner of two large pizzas, numerous cans of soda, and big bowls of ice cream to celebrate the holiday that closes schools tomorrow.

High on sugar and laughter, the topic somehow turns to sex, as it often will among boys riding the roller coaster of puberty.

Jongdae points to Sehun with his thumb. “Have you done it before?”

Put on the spot, Sehun's ears flush pink. “N-No...”

Baekhyun shakes his head when Jongdae gestures to him. “Not really.” He doesn't expand on his answer, even though _kind of_ having sex is like _kind of_ circumcised.

Jongdae doesn't say anything on his own experience or lack thereof, but he flops on his bed with his laptop. “Let's see...”

Sehun sets his soda on the cluttered desk. “What're you looking for?” He leans over the boy's shoulder and promptly blushes.  


**how to have sex with boys**   


  
Most results were by girls for girls.

“Try 'gay sex',” Baekhyun prompts, eyes trained on the screen. So close, Sehun could count his friend's eyelashes.

“Why are you looking for this?” Sehun coughs a little, but Baekhyun hears the catch in his voice and grins.

“Curiosity,” Jongdae hums. Over his other shoulder, Baekyun points to a video result.

“Um, sh-should we really...?”

“Sehun,” Jongdae sighs nonchalantly, “it's just research. What's the harm in looking? Think of it as being prepared.”

Sehun has always known he had no interest in girls, but he thought he was just weird. While his classmates' stares were occupied with short skirts and a hint of bra, Sehun looked for toned abs, flat chests, and firm butts. “Well, are you guys both ... Like, do you...?” His cheeks cannot possibly get any redder.

“Probably gay,” Baekhyun replies airily.

“Definitely gay,” Jongdae says. Baekhyun elbows his side and mumbles something about liking boobs, too.

“It's loaded.” Jongdae clicks the play button, and the trio watches a three minute clip of one man pounding his dick into the other man's ass, groping any reachable body part. They both moan like dying whales and kiss with more teeth and tongue than any of the boys imagined humanly possible.

Close-ups look like clips from an industrial film. Overall, it's somewhat terrifying.

The video ends with a near violent climax, cum shooting from the bottom like shot from a cannon. The top keeps thrusting his hips against the other man's ass until his head drops back with a mighty groan.

Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Sehun are all silent, eyes wide. Baekhyun closes his mouth and swallows, ears burning pink. He exchanges looks with Jongdae, who quickly closes the tab and clears the internet history and cookies.

Sehun's stunned to silence. He can't say it aloud, but he's _thrilled_. He is fascinated by that video, mostly with the bottom man, who appeared completely enraptured with the pleasure from his partner.

Baekhyun clears his throat. His whole face and neck is pink. “Wow. I might need to bleach my eyes a bit.”

“I didn't think it'd be so … I dunno, _violent_ ,” Jongdae stresses. “Is it like this with girls, too? No wonder the older kids complain about not being able to walk.”

“I thought they were joking.” Baekhyun grimaces. Sehun scoots off the bed to stand. “Sehun? Where are you going?”

“I gotta pee.”

“Let's play Mario when you get back.” Jongdae smacks Baekhyun's shoulder with his hand and looks at Sehun brightly, as if they all hadn't just watched a porn clip minutes before.

“Okay.” Sehun hustles down the hall to the bathroom and locks the door behind him. Thank God for tight pants and loose shirts, because he did not want to advertise to his friends just how much he enjoyed that video.

So what do? What's proper etiquette when a penis gets excited among friends? Sehun sets the toilet seat down and sits on it, shifting carefully and frowning at his crotch. It won't just _go away_ , he supposes. He's heard funny stories about inopportune boners, but he really hoped he wouldn't have to experience one first-hand, particularly his own.

If he didn't have bad luck, he'd have no luck at all, though.

Maybe, if he's quick, he can ease his erection, and his friends will be none the wiser. Sounds like a decent enough plan.

He checks the door again, just to be sure it's locked, and kicks the rug to stuff the gap between the door and floor. It may help; it may not. He's never jacked off in secret in his friend's bathroom before.

Older kids have told him that some kind of lotion helps — and Sehun agrees, after trying it himself once or twice in his room — so he glances over the countertop and grabs the first bottle he sees. Jergens Fragrance Free Sensitive Skin Daily Moisturiser. That'll work.

Sitting back on the toilet lid, he unbuttons his pants and gingerly takes his cock out from the slit of his briefs. It stands on its own, proud and uncaring of Sehun's predicament.

He's too scared do take anything off, but his shirt keeps falling over his groin, so he bunches it up under his chin. Pumping a generous dollop of lotion onto his palm and cautiously fists his cock. He wants to be as quick and silent as possible, but biology has different plans, and he has to bite his forearm to keep from moaning. The more he touches himself, the better it feels, and his hand moves almost on its own, adding a twist and pressure that has his hips twitching.

While he's not about to admit to his little sexual experiments or the dreams he has, Sehun can't deny that the reoccurring star of his fantasies is Baekhyun. Gently curving eyesmile, a cute little mole at the corner of his lip, and gorgeous _gorgeous_ hands. His head falls back with a thunk against the wall as he closes his eyes and imagines Baekhyun has his hands on Sehun, jerking him off and touching him everywhere. Delicate fingers tiptoe up his belly to his chest and neck.

He chokes back a groan when someone knocks on the door. “Sehun? Are you alright?”

Baekhyun.

One breath, two. In through his nose and heaved out around his arm. “I'm fine. Too much pizza … .”

“Alright. We're going to start without you.”

His eyes squeeze shut. _Don't stutter. Do not. Stutter._ “Sure.” His abs shiver; his shoulders jerk, and he nearly falls off the toilet as he cums. Most of it's on his hand, and he stands with a bit of difficulty. His legs don't want to cooperate, but he gets up and steps up to the sink to wash his hands. He grabs a handful of tissues to clean himself off and refasten his pants. A quick look around once his vision clears, just to be sure no evidence is left behind, and he flushes the tissues down the toilet.

He doesn't look too bad when he looks in the mirror. Red-cheeked and maybe his eyes are a bit dilated, but that's easily explained away.

Sehun fixes the rug before leaving the bathroom. Jongdae and Baekhyun are absorbed in their game of Halo, but Jongdae asks, “Did you turn on the vent?”

“Shut up.”

“Just making sure you don't wilt my mom's flowers or something, man.”

Sehun kicks his back and picks up a controller. “Let's play Mario Kart.” He avoids looking at Baekhyun. He feels too guilty.

 

 

They remain friends through high school, but at Baekyhun's middle school graduation, Jongdae shows up with flowers.

Sehun's rather surprised to see his friend's blush when Baekhyun takes them.

Noticing his confusion, Jongdae rubs the back of his neck. “We didn't know when to say something, Sehun, but we're tied.”

Tied. The red string theory; it's popular in Japan.

_Oh._

“We met when we were in elementary school,” Baekhyun adds.

Sehun nods, trying to keep his expression neutrally interested. “In your dreams?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Congratulations, I guess.”

Baekhyun's quick to add, “This doesn't change anything, though, okay? Don't think anything's changed.” He takes Sehun's hand and squeezes his fingers. “You're still my favourite dongsaeng.”

Sehun wonders if this is the last time he'll touch Baekhyun's hand, smooth and warm. He grins softly and is rewarded with a blinding megawatt smile. Jongdae drapes an arm around them both and holds up his phone. “Kodiak moment!” They throw up dumb hand signs and screw up their faces.

Baekhyun pesters Jongdae to let him see, because the last photo he took nearly cut Baekhyun out completely. Sehun's left with the flowers while Baekhyun chases Jongdae among the other graduates and their families.

It's normal. His friends are still his friends. Maybe they're a bit closer, but they haven't forgotten Sehun. He's grateful. Finding their other half, their soul mate, must be a wonderful thing.

He's sad but happy. His dreams only show a faceless, ambiguous person. When will they actually meet?

 

 

 

High school eats up all of Sehun's time. Between studying and sleeping, he makes time for Baekhyun and Jongdae, who move into an apartment at the end of high school. Sehun's own graduation sneaks up fast, and it's only when he's sitting among his fellow students that he's struck with how time is passing. Some friends of his have found their soul mate or started having dreams; Sehun still sees a voiceless silhouette.

Soon, he's a university student. He has more time with the new schedule and joins a dance class both for exercise and to get out of his dorm room.

It's the end of another routine day, after dance practice has ended and everyone's left, that Sehun finds himself under scrutiny. He stayed behind to get another hour of practice in and to make up for being sick the previous week. The hair on the back of his neck stand up and point fiercely behind him.

“Hi.” Jongin's a shy dancer with a big laugh and easy blush. Sehun doesn't talk to him, much; he's never had the opportunity. They know one another by name and not much else, but they've caught the other stealing glances in the dance mirrors more than once.

They cast glances at one another as they change and pack up, consciously matching pace to conveniently leave at the same time. They walk in silence until they reach the front doors of the studio, where Jongin turns left to walk to the bus stop and Sehun walks to his apartment going right.

Tonight, Jongin touches Sehun's elbow, “Sehun ... ” and kisses him full on the mouth.

If Sehun's at all surprised, he takes it in stride and angles his head, bumping noses with Jongin. All things considered, it's a rather chaste kiss.

A preview of coming attractions.

Sehun pulls back first, pecking Jongin's bottom lip. “See you tomorrow.”

“Good night.”

They both leave, licking their lips and trying to be cool and not look back.

They kind of start a thing where they go out places, hang out at one another's homes, make out, and sometimes have sex. It's not quite dating, but it's more than friends and a step above friends-with-benefits.

During a break in dance practice, Jongin nudges Sehun with a water bottle and folds his legs to sit beside him. He's quiet; he can tell Sehun wants to say something, and he doesn't have to wait long.

“Hey, would you have even talked to me if I hadn't kissed you?”

Jongin scoffed. “ _I_ kissed _you_!” Sehun punches his shoulder. When they're not drooling all over one another, they're like 12-year-old brothers.

“Still! I was totally semi-content in my crush until then.” He blushes a little, thinking back to their initial more-than-a-simple-greeting meeting.

Jongin just bites his lip and smiles, eyes looking between Sehun's mouth and eyes.

Pink-eared, Sehun mumbles around the water bottle, “Must've been the hormones.”

Jongin leans down, looking at Sehun's face. The brunet's blush makes him smile, and Sehun flushes even redder. He spends the rest of break leaning over to Sehun's shoulder, as if speaking lowly into his ear, but he's kissing Sehun's ear and nuzzling the sensitive area just behind the ear. Jongin's chest is against Sehun's shoulder, and Sehun can feel the soft laughter each time he flinches.

The dance instructor claps his hands, calling everyone back to the centre of the room. Jongin stretches his arms over his head and stands, hauling Sehun to his feet by his wrists.

Two hours and a shared shower later, they're on the bus to Jongin's apartment. He's slouching, reading manga on is phone. Sehun's slouched against his shoulder and falls asleep, exhausted.

He's inside a room with a circle of chairs. All but one are empty, and Sehun sneaks up behind the shadowed familiar stranger. His arm extends, reaching for them, and just before his fingers touch their shoulder, he's shaken awake.

“Wake up, or I'm leaving you behind.” Jongin tugs his sleeve.

Sehun swats at him but gets up to follow him off the bus. The power nap recharged him a little — enough to stop Jongin's hands from slipping up his shirt while they ride the elevator. He made the mistake of not resisting once before, and he still can't look sweet old Mrs Choi in the eye when he passes her in the lobby.

The hall's clear, and Jongin barely notices before wrapping an arm around Sehun's waist and kissing his neck.

Jongin lives alone, so there's no one to judge when they trip through the front door and nearly fall to the floor. Sehun actually does fall, flat on his butt and an elbow, but Jongin joins him on the floor. Sehun grunts at the added weight, speaking around Jongin's lips, “It actually hurt, you know.”

Jongin flips his bangs out of his eyes and grins. “I'll kiss it all better.”

 

 

Sehun's actually sitting beside the darkened body of his soul mate. He's stopped running, and they sometimes talk. “Why is it always so dark?”

“Because I make it that way.”

“You can control your dreams?”

“Of course. It's called lucid dreaming.”

Sehun sits forward eagerly. “How?”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “I'm not telling.”

 

 

 

When Jongin admits to being connected to someone, weeks later, Sehun's heart breaks a little. Not enough to make him throw himself on his bed in tears and not come out for a week or two, but it's enough of a stab that Sehun can't think of what to say.

“Her name's Chrystal. We've been connected for a couple years, now. She's pretty much my best friend.”

“If you're ... with someone ... why are you,” he waves a hand between them. “Why are we — ?”

“I really like you, Sehun, and I love Chrystal, too, but she is my friend. She's like another part of me, but we're not, like, romantic?” Seeing Sehun's confused frown, Jongin sighs and covers his face with his hands. “Soul mates are not automatically sex partners and vice versa, okay? That's just a fucked up fairy tale version so companies can sell their products.

“We're young, Sehun. We're too young to be expected to devote ourselves to a single person based on _dreams_.” He holds Sehun's face in his hands. “You're my reality right now, and you have always been so much better than a dream.”

Sehun's voice is soft. “But for how long?”

A crease forms between Jongin's brows, and Sehun itches to smooth it, but he gently encircles Jongin's wrists with his fingers, instead, and removes the warm palms from his cheeks. “You said it yourself, Jongin, that we can't devote ourselves to someone because of dreams. We _are_ too young.” He's waited this long. What's another year or twelve?

“Sehun, what ... ?”

“Let's end this ... whatever-we-have. I don't want to spend each day wondering when it'll end, so let's stop, now.”

Jongin's face is pinched, almost like he wants to cry, but he pulls his hands back and nods. “We can still be friends, though, right?” His smile is hopeful, youthful and boyish.

Sehun licks his lips and nods in turn. “Sure. We can still be friends.”

Things aren't awkward after that, remarkably. They remain close friends, and Sehun wakes up from a nap after his afternoon literature lecture to a text.

**dress pretty. we're going out.**

Sehun rubs his eyes and gets up on an elbow. **out where?**

 

 

“Out” translates in Jonginspeak to Catcall, a dance club and bar in an area that is just barely on the right side of the fence of seediness. It's on a corner and apparently takes up the entire block. Cars line the street, overflow from the rather pathetic parking lot. A queue snakes up the stairs from the front doors to the pavement. There are three people manning the doors, two to check IDs of incoming patrons and one to monitor the exit, making sure no one tries to sneak in as others stumble out.

The wait isn't too long. Jongin hangs over Sehun's back, watching him play a game on his phone.

Jongin leads Sehun into the club with an arm around his shoulders. They're immediately bombarded by shouts, thumping bass, and eye-searing coloured lights.

They shuffle around the edge of the crowd; there's not much room to do much more. All the seats around the dance floor are packed — some even have double occupants. It's one way to make fast friends.

Jongin's distracted and stops. “Whoa man. She's pretty ... ”

“Hm?” The dancer's kind of tall, lithe, and smiling through the sweat that shimmers like glitter on their skin. “Yeah.”

Jongin doesn't notice or doesn't care about the lack of enthusiasm.

“ _She_ is a _he_ and is already spoken for.” A foxy-looking man grinned at the duo. He reminds Sehun a bit of Jongdae, and he wonders what his friends are up to. They've all been busy, lately.

Jongin looks between the foxy stranger and the blond dancer, chewing his lip. “Room for one more?”

Foxy doesn't hide the blatant appraising drag of his eyes up and down their bodies. “Just one?”

Sehun subtly shakes his head when Jongin glances at him. Jongin nods. “For now.”

The foxy-faced man grins and hooks a finger over the loose collar of Jongin's tank top, twisting it around and leading Jongin away. He looks over his shoulder at Sehun, colour high on his cheeks. “ _Go have fun_ , Sehun.”

He waves his friend away with a good-natured shake of his head. He really doesn't want to be here, but maybe some dancing would help him unwind a bit. Or at least a drink.

The bar's hidden behind a wall of bodies Sehun fights through as politely as he can. He feels some hands on him, copping anonymous feels, but he breaks free and orders something fruity and sweet that glows under the black light hanging over the bar..

It's too much work to push into the crowd again; he leans against the bar and finishes two of the glowing drinks just watching the throng of men and women dancing and mingling.

“Hey.” Sehun turns and is mildly surprised when he doesn't have to look down to meet the stranger's eyes, which are very dark and angled up on the outside, giving a very feline appearance. His smile borders on a smirk but is still polite, and Sehun feels a pleasant surge through his gut. “You're not dancing.”

Sehun gives him a quick once-over. Then another one, just to be sure he's seeing this guy correctly. Dark jeans are ripped up the thighs — knees torn out completely — and cling to his legs like he wore them in a cold bath that morning. His tank is no better, although it's just plain white. If he buttoned up the shirt barely hanging on his shoulders, he could almost pass as presentable from the waist up. Almost. With so much skin exposed, enough hardware in his ears to make the tanned skin seem to glow, and his hair pushed back from his face — plus that fucking Cheshire grin — he looks wonderfully unpresentable, although Sehun thinks he'd look better if his hair was messed up a wee bit.

His fingers twitch around the empty glass. “No, uh ... ” Eloquence, Sehun. Words. He hitches a thumb over his shoulder. “A friend dragged me along, just to ditch me.”

The stranger follows the point to where Jongin's sandwiched between Foxy and Blondie. He looks quite content with Blondie's lips at his jaw and Foxy's hands over his hips.

“So you're free, then?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

The stranger cocks his head, and Sehun wants to coo at how cute he looks. He smiles, instead. “I'm not a cheap date.”

“I can respect that.” Sehun spares Jongin a glance, determines he's a big boy and can handle himself, and makes his way to the exit with the stranger's hand on his back, closer to his ass. “My name's Zitao, by the way.”

“Sehun.”

It's more like a date than being picked up at a club. They share a bubble tea and window-shop while ambling down the pavement. Zitao says he lives nearby, but it takes them 20 minutes to walk there, because they keep distracting one another and buying treats they end up sharing.

Sehun's heart actually flutters with Zitao. The man's a romantic and super snuggly and tender. They don't just have sex; they make love.

Being together is easy. Days and weeks bleed into months, and Sehun is almost tempted to say _“Fuck dreams,”_ and love Zitao.

 

 

It's still dark, but the shadows fall almost artistically. Purposefully. Kind of dramatically, like the lighting in Citizen Kane, which is the only thing Sehun remembers about that movie.

He doesn't recognise the room, but he's not worried. Someone touches his back, fingers trailing up his spine to caress his neck. It's a hot, familiar touch, and his heart thunders against his ribs hard enough he thinks it may bruise.

His soul mate is pale, but that's all Sehun can see. He's staying in the careful shadows to hide is face. He lies upside down on the couch, with his back and head on the seat and his legs draped over the back. He takes Sehun's hand, pulling him forward. Sehun follows the cue and kneels over his face, facing the back of the couch. The man's hands run up and down the outside of his thighs, reaching up to cup his cheeks with his palms and squeeze a little.

Sehun's forehead drops to the other's knee. He's already losing breath and is eager to to be touched more. His boxers — for some reason, he's not wearing pants; he doesn't remember taking them off — are tugged down his thighs. He quickly stands to kick them off and crawls back over the man.

“Sehun.”

The moment he touches the man's belt, his stomach lurches. He feels as though he's falling, tugged up one way while his guts go the other way. He's being kicked out of his dream again. Rejected.

 

 

Sehun wakes with a start.

Zitao smirks from beside the bed, still in his pyjama pants. “It's time to get up. Although you've actually been up for a while … .”

“Shut up.”

The catty eyed man crawls up on Sehun's bed to sit between his ankles. He cocks his head to the side with a smile. “Who were you thinking about?”

“... I don't know.” It's always the same man in his dreams, but he's repeatedly refused to give Sehun his name, age, where he lives, anything. He speaks Korean, but that could just be because they're connected that they can understand one another. There are theories floating around about that, but no one can really agree.

The smirk falls a bit from his friend's face, but it makes its return soon enough when Zitao starts to pull the sheet off of his room mate. “Can I help at all?”

Even the little bit of friction, just a ghost's touch, has Sehun drawing a knee up and tossing his head on the pillow. “Well, as long as you're down there ...” he rasps, both from sleepiness and pleasured pain. His throat is still sore from last night.

Zitao tugs the sheet down Sehun's legs and stands up on his knees to rest with a hand beside Sehun's shoulder. The other deftly teases the waistband of the cotton sleep pants, tugging at the drawstring until it loosens. Sehun shifts impatiently, frowning at his friend's teasing. Some days, Zitao was a total animal; other days, he was the sweetest lover, and it figured that today was the day he was a cock tease.

Or maybe not.

Sehun stiffens, shoulders pressed into the mattress and hips lifting when Zitao's hand slips beneath his pants and grasps his cock.

“It never ceases to amaze me how responsive you are,” Zitao marvels softly aloud. He sets a teasing pace, languidly dragging his hand up and down, adding a bit of a twist at the base or a hint of nail along the bottom.

Sehun's always embarrassed, so he grabs a fistful of Zitao's hair and forces him down to his elbow, claiming his mouth with kisses punctuated by pants and licks.

He cums with a sharp intake of breath and a wave of goosebumps all over his body.

Zitao hums and kisses the corner of his mouth.

“Don't look so pleased,” Sehun scoffs.

“You're right. You're too easy; I can't even put my skills to use.” He wipes his hand on the sheets. “C'mon. Get up. I'll start the shower.”

Sehun yawns, grimacing at the soreness of his jaws and throat, and lifts his hips to pull his pants off entirely before sliding out of bed. He drops his shirt to the floor as he makes his way to the bathroom.

Zitao's already in the shower. Sometimes, they'll exchange handjobs or blowjobs — Zitao will occasionally hoist him up and fuck him against the wall — but today is just a shower without much handsiness, since Zitao already got it out of his system, and they're running a bit late, because Sehun took so long to wake up.

When they're out of the shower with towels around their waists, Zitao claps a hand on Sehun's ass as he walks passed. Sehun retaliates by grabbing the hand towel, twisting it, and snapping it at him. Zitao yelps a laugh and scurries to get dressed.

The ride to the airport is too short. Sehun doesn't let go of Zitao's hand as he checks his bags and finds his gate. Outside security, Sehun's pulled into a tight hug. It lasts long enough for people to stare and wonder if they're more than friends, but Sehun is reluctant to let go.

“Visit me sometime?”

“Sure.” Sehun knows he won't. There's no place for him in China.

 

 

Once again, he meets his soul mate in the dying sunlight. He's in total darkness and avoids being near Sehun.

Sehun tries to reach for the man, but they slip away from his touch. “Are you scared of me?”

He feels their smile, but it's sad. “I just don't feel that I deserve you.”

“You don't even know me.”

“I know _me_ , and I know I'm not good enough.”

“Can't I decide that for myself?”

“ … It's getting late. You have school in the morning. Goodbye.”

“You mean 'Good night,'” Sehun presses.

 

 

 

There's a party at the end of the semester, celebrating finals and giving students an outlet for the pent-up stress. Alcohol and hormones never mix, but Sehun doesn't let that hold him back. He meets up with his friend Chanyeol, an art student, and accepts each red plastic cup of questionable content. Things get fuzzy pretty fast.

“ _THIS BOY IS A BOTTOOOOOM!_ ”

Sehun's phone screeches to life, shrieking right through the thick cloak of sleep. He fumbles for it, arm flopping against the bed when he finally silences it.

Everything's hazy. What did he even _do_ last night? He moves to get up and feels someone behind him.

Apparently, he had sex last night, if the twinge in his lower spine and Chanyeol's soft dick in his ass means anything.

He gingerly pulls away — closing his eyes both in pain and relief that his own little monster stayed asleep — and scoots to the edge of the mattress to sit upright.

He nearly falls back over; he feels terrible. The room swims a little, floor bowing away from him and peripheral slowly pinwheeling. After a few deep breaths and “C'mon, Sehun. You can do this,” he stands and supports himself against the wall with a hand. He shuffles to the bathroom, on a mission for medicine, and downs it with water from the tap.

He looks awful. There's bruiselike colouring beneath his eyes, and he sees numerous bite marks and bruises from behind his ear to his ankles.

Chanyeol always was a biter.

He rolls his shoulders and winces as he uses the toilet. Some awkward head-over-shoulder-to-look-at-his-back-in-the-mirror, and he sees bright red patches on his neck and shoulders and upper back. It looks like rugburn.

Feeling a smidge more human as the medicine worked its magic, Sehun returns to the bedroom with a glass of water, but he can't find his clothes. Chanyeol's are all over, and they probably fit, but he'd rather have his own underwear, at least.

He kicks the mattress. “Chanyeol. Hyung?”

The man remains blissfully asleep, snoring softly.

Sehun pours his glass over Chanyeol's face and raises his voice over the confused sputtering and flailing. “ _Hyung_. Where are my clothes?”

“ _Jesus_ fuck . . . What?” Chanyeol groans a yawn and wipes at his face with a confused frown.

“My clothes.”

“Wha'bout'em?” He's about to roll over.

Sehun dribbles the remaining water over his bare neck and shoulder.

“Sehun‽”

“We are naked, Chanyeol.”

His eyes struggle to break the crust of slumber, and he drags a hand down his chest with another yawn. “We are?”

“Yes. Now where are my clothes?”

Chanyeol shifts onto his back with a groan. He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes, but he just feels the pounding of his head in his hands, then. “Try the balcony?” There's a very vague recollection of being in the cool evening air, breaking the silence with sloppy makeouts.

Sure enough, Sehun's shorts and underwear are on the patio furniture. His shirt waves to him one story down, caught on a blossoming oleander.

Chanyeol's upright in bed when Sehun returns. “You found your pants.”

“I need to borrow a shirt. Mine's at the neighbour's.” He rifles through Chanyeol's closet and settles for a hooded sweatshirt. It'd cover most of the hickeys, at least. It's plain brown. Chanyeol won't miss it. He pulls it on and ruffles his hair a bit. He really wants to get home and shower.

“Leaving already?” Chanyeol's out of bed and hugging him from behind. He's heavy and warm. Without clothes, he simply radiates heat. It'd be nice if it wasn't summertime.

Sehun steps into his shoes. “I'm going to be late for my bus.” He suppresses a shudder when Chanyeol's breath whispers across his ear.

“Kiss for the road?”

He obliges, turning his head to meet Chanyeol's lips. When Chanyeol tries coaxing Sehun's mouth open with his tongue, Sehun elbows him gently. “Ah ah.”

“Right, right. Bus. Late,” Chanyeol wheezes. “You gotta go.”

Sehun pats his shorts pockets. Cell phone, wallet; okay. “See you, hyung.”

He gets some curious looks on the bus. “The dog is nippy,” he comments to an older lady seated across from him. The bite marks an bruises on his legs look nothing like dog damage, but the public is content to be ignorant.

 

 

Sehun's dream is silent. He's the only one around, and he feels lonely.

Summertime leaves Sehun with too much free time. There are summer dance classes that Jongin helps lead for extra money. He looks for a job of his own and is hired at a resort. The uniform is itchy and hot, but the pay is decent, and he gets free food and drinks.

He works around the pool, distributing towels if need be, serving drinks, and just keeping the general area clean. He keeps a polite but professional smile among the clients, although he can't help the shyness that whispers down his spine when a patron begins to flirt with him.

His name is Minseok, Sehun learns, and he's staying for the week for a conference as part of an internship. They sit together when Sehun goes on breaks, and it doesn't take much to convince Sehun to meet the older man after the pool closes.

Waiting with the scent of chlorine for company, Sehun bounces his leg nervously. If he gets caught, he'll lose his job. What a thing to be fired over: Fraternising with a guest. At least, he thinks, he's not working. Maybe he could get off with a warning for borrowing the pool key—with permission—and returning it late.

He jumps at tapping, which echoes in the open cavern of the pool room. Minseok grins at him.

“Evening,” he greets when Sehun lets him in.

“Hi.”

“Where's your swimsuit?”

At home. “I don't have one.”

Minseok's eyebrows hide behind his fringe, but he doesn't verbally comment. His eyes speak volumes.

Sehun locks the door and drops the keys on a pile of towels he'd grabbed. He strips out of his clothes and runs to the pool, cannonballing gracelessly and breaking the surface with a whoop of laughter. Minseok's a bit more careful removing his shirt and swimtrunks, and he dives after Sehun with a much calmer splash.

Sex in a pool is not like sex on the beach, mainly because there's no alcohol involved. After some splashing around and teasing underwater, Minseok climbs out of the pool to sit in the hot tub.

Sehun grows tired of trying to perfect his handstand technique and joins Minseok in the tub, straddling his lap. He quietly asks permission to kiss the man and leans in when he feels a hand on the back of his neck.

The kiss is cut short when a flashlight sweeps across the wall at the opposite end of the room. Minseok grabs Sehun's waist and pushes him to the middle of the tub, where they kneel underwater until the light passes over the hot tub and disappears with the security guard prowling the halls.

“Well, that's exciting,” Minseok laughs when they surface. He shakes his hair off his face and looks remarkably young. “I feel like a teenager.”

Sehun climbs onto the bench, nervous giggles shaking his shoulders. “I didn't think I'd get so close to losing my job!”

Minseok leans his arms on Sehun's knees and kisses him. “A bit of excitement keeps like interesting.”

More than that, he's interested in Minseok. He visits again after his initial conference ends, and he asks Sehun out. They date throughout summer and meet up when Sehun doesn't have class. It's an easy relationship, but Sehun still can't ignore his dreams.

 

 

Sehun's stopped paying attention to where he is in his dreams. He sometimes just sits and waits, but his soul mate never seeks him out.

 

 

They're going out for the first time in a week, since Minseok handed in his most recent project.

“Do you mind if we meet a friend of mine for lunch?”

“Of course not.” Sehun steps into the car, bowing his head to avoid hitting it like he often does. Minseok closes the door and walks to the driver's side. “Who is he?”

“A college friend. His name's Lu Han. He moved here to study and ended up staying for work.” Minseok backs out of the parking lot and checks traffic before pulling into the street. “It's not far. His doctor's on the way.”

“Is he sick?”

“Oh, no. It's just a meeting, really.”

Sehun nods and turns his attention out the window.

Lu Han turns out to be a very young man with large eyes and dyed hair. “Sure, the brat gets shotgun.” He smiles and leans between the front seats. “You must be Sehun. I'm Lu Han.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Seatbelt, Lu Han.”

“Yes, Mother.” He dodges the backhand Minseok tosses over his shoulder and settles back in his seat. He chooses the middle of the bench, so that he can lean forward even while belted. “So where're we eating?”

“The usual place. Sehun's not been there.”

“No? Dude, they have a _mazing_ food. The tea's not bad, either. Do you like bubble tea?”

Sehun nods eagerly and frowns when Minseok stifles a snort behind his hand. “Dumbest question, Lu Han.” He meets Lu Han's eyes in the rear view mirror. “How was your session?”

“Ah ... Pretty good? We're down a guy, because he was arrested last week for peeping.”

Sehun listens quietly. Minseok said Lu Han had a doctor's appointment. He only now realises that could mean anything. He looks at the beige brick building and finds the black plaque with attractive gold lettering. It's an office building; the door Lu Han came out of leads to Drs Kim and Lee, PhDs, licensed therapists.

“You're seeing a therapist?” He doesn't miss the pointed look Minseok sends his way and drops his eyes to his hands on his lap.

Lu Han laughs in the backseat. “Don't worry, Minseok. I don't mind.” He leans against the driver's seat to address Sehun. “I go to group therapy every Thursday for sex addiction.” He coos obnoxiously when Sehun blushes beet red.

“O-Oh … .”

Minseok changes the subject to football, something Sehun has little interest in. He watches cars as they pass and smiles when he feels Minseok link their fingers together on his thigh.

 

 

Lu Han's more than a little surprised to see Sehun sitting on the steps when he leaves his appointment. “Sehun?”

“Hi.”

“What're you doing here? Are you waiting with Minseok?”

“Hyung's at work.” Sehun stands and dusts off the seat of his pants. “I just wanted to see you.”

“Well, I'm done here. You wanna go get tea or something?” He puts a hand lightly on Sehun's lower back, barely-there pressure more on his shirt than his back. “My apartment's nearby, too, if you'd rather not deal with people.”

“Yeah ... ”

“What's wrong?”

They wait for a traffic light to cross the street. Sehun squints at the clouds — puffy, light, very white — and shrugs. “It's nothing, I guess.”

“Really?”

Sehun nods; he feels the weight of Lu Han's stare and shrugs again. “I guess.” The light changes, and they cross with the crowd. He knows Lu Han is waiting for him to talk, but he waits until they're in the elevator of Lu Han's apartment building.

“I think Minseok hyung's tired of me.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Lu Han replies lightly. Sehun's quiet. The elevator dings, the doors open, and Lu Han escorts Sehun down the hall a short ways with a hand on his back, firm and guiding. “Why do you think that?”

“He said he didn't have time for me.”

“I'm sure he didn't mean — ”

“He _literally_ said 'I don't have time for you, Sehun,' word for word!” Sehun stalks into the apartment, spins on the ball of his foot, and drops gracelessly over the arm of the sofa. He toes off his shoes and lets them fall to the floor. “I can understand if he's busy, but he doesn't have to say like that.”

“He's just stressed.” Lu Han sits beside Sehun's head. “He didn't mean to hurt your feelings.”

“I think I'm going to break up with him, anyway. This isn't the first time he's said something thoughtless or whatever.” True, Minseok's tolerance for Sehun being a nuisance is only so much, but still. It hurts when he's brushed aside or ignored. More than being scolded. He often feels more like a child than an equal.

“I'm sorry.”

“I like him a lot, but he treats me like a kid.”

“He's always been more mature and practical.”

“How long have you known him?”

“Years. I first met him in my dreams.”

Sehun's heart clogs his throat. “Does that mean you're tied?”

“I guess,” Lu Han sighs. He runs his fingers through Sehun's fringe, smiling when the strands fall back over his forehead. “Soul mates don't mean lovers. I do love him, but he's more like my brother, now. He's my best friend.”

Sehun looks at Lu Han upside down. “That doesn't bother you?”

“Should it?”

Sehun's never told anyone about his dreams. Maybe it's time he did. “I've been having dreams since middle school, but I have no idea who they are. It's only in this last year that he's talked to me more than a few words, but he never shows me his face. He keeps things dark; he's always controlling it and ignoring how I feel.” He feels emotionally exhausted. “He says he's protecting me.”

“From what?”

“Himself, apparently. I don't get it. It's just — If soul mates are so great, two halves of a whole or whatever, why is mine so shitty? Does that mean I'm the same way?”

Lu Han rubs his shoulder consolingly. “That's impossible. Something my therapist has talked about is love and emotions. With our addiction, which is more a compulsion, we often ignore feelings. It's safer that way; we don't have to worry if we don't feel anything, but it's very short term. Maybe he's just scared. Who knows how old he is — he could be your age and just as confused. Protecting you could be protecting you from a lack of affection or something.”

It's confusing, but Sehun nods. He feels better just talking about it.

“And with Minseok, I can tell he likes you a lot. He's got a lot on his plate, now, with this project. It's very important to him, and I can't tell you to stick it out, but he appreciates having you around. You're very calming. Like a lap cat.”

Sehun sits up with a frown. “I'm not his pet.” Ignore the fact that he enjoys his hair being pet and often hangs over Minseok's back to demand food.

“You would be the cutest pet,” Lu Han comments thoughtfully.

“I'm gonna go.”

“Maybe you can get a cat-eared headband and wear a collar to get Minseok's attention.”

“ _Goodbye, hyung._ ”

“A pink collar! With little rhinesones!” The door shuts on his suggestions.

 

 

It's a gorgeous day out, when Sehun returns to the clinic a week later. He doesn't know why he comes back. Minseok had apologised for hurting him, and they returned to their comfortable balance, but something still feels off.

Lu Han said his session is on Thursday, but there are other groups that meet Tuesdays and Saturdays. This Tuesday afternoon, Sehun slouches against the building on the pavement and checks his watch. If the sessions all run about the same time, today's should be letting out about now.

Minutes later, the front door opens, and a small group of men descend the short steps, chatting idly, and split either direction to either walk or go to their cars. The stragglers come out at uneven intervals, the final being a young man with narrow shoulders wearing all black. He turns to walk but stops when he sees Sehun. His large eyes narrow curiously.

“Hi.” Sehun knows he looks out of place. He dyed his hair recently, shades of pink, purple, blue, and blond covering the brown and looking like cotton candy. He offers a smile, and it's shyly returned.

Dilated eyes look him up and down. “Have you had lunch, yet?”

Sehun has no clue how the delicate process of propositioning works, so he wings it. “Nope.”

“I'll make you something … .”

Sehun pushes off the wall, hands in his pockets. “Sure.” If nothing else, he'll mooch some free food.

The man introduces himself as Kyungsoo while they walk. He lives in a ground-floor apartment some blocks from the office, in a residential area with kids playing on the pavement. It's meticulously clean; Sehun's almost afraid to touch anything.

Kyungsoo leads the way to the kitchen. He picks a fruit from the bowl, juggling it in a hand as he chooses a knife from he block.

Sehun has a horrible moment of wondering if this is such a good idea. This guy wields the knife expertly and slices a mango cleanly. He actually seems about to offer Sehun food when he turns and abruptly and pulls Sehun down for a kiss with the hand not holding the knife.

There's a bit of guilt in the back of Sehun's mind. Here's a guy who's going to therapy for a life-corrupting compulsion, and Sehun is breaking down all the self-control he built up … for what? Sehun doesn't even know.

The knife clatters into the sink. Kyungsoo sucks Sehun's bottom lip between his teeth and digs his fingers into Sehun's buttcheeks. That's enough to snuff out the guilt.

Their breath mingles when they part. Kyungsoo's hand is hot on Sehun's neck, turning his head to murmur a husky “Suck me,” in his ear.

There's a bit of fumbling, but Sehun quickly gets Kyungsoo's jeans and underwear off. He leans back against the counter as Sehun kneels.

Sehun tries something he's only read about and takes a piece of sliced fruit. He has no idea how much fruit to bite off, because he'd really rather not choke and die from too much mango and dick in his mouth. He takes a small section of divided fruit from nearer the edge and chews it to a mush, stroking Kyungsoo thoughtfully.

Kyungsoo nudges him with a knee. His head is tilted on his shoulder, and he'd look like he was just sitting around and killing time if his cheeks and ears weren't blazing pink, if his eyes weren't dilated so wide they're nearly all black, and — obviously — if there wasn't a young man ducked between his legs with his mouth on his dick.

Ignoring the fact Sehun is covering his penis in a fine mango glaze, Kyungsoo begins to appreciate the warmth as well as how slippery the fruit is. He lets his chin sit on his chest and runs his fingers through the cotton candy hair, fisting it roughly and moving Sehun's head when he feels things moving too slow.

Sehun's hands grip Kyungsoo's thighs, just above his knees, and he presses his tongue up against the underside of Kyungsoo's cock. He pulls back to breathe and swallow the mango and goes right back at it until the hand in his hair clenches painfully. He sits back on his heels and closes his eyes as his face is painted with ropes of white.

They actually do have lunch after Sehun washes his face. The conversation stays impersonal, like there's a wall between them in the same room, and he leaves with a polite bow.

He makes his way to Minseok's apartment with a weird feeling in his gut. It's almost excited.

Minseok greets him with a wave when Sehun steps inside. He's on the phone with Lu Han, judging by the tone and amount of eye-rolling. Sehun changes clothes to comfortable sweatpants and brushes his teeth, returning to lean over the back of the sofa and hug Minseok.

The call ends, and Minseok reaches up to ruffle Sehun's hair. “What's up?”

“Nothing. Just tired.”

“You can take a nap, if you want. I'll be quiet.”

He shakes his head. “Nah.”

“I was talking with Lu Han. Your birthdays are just a couple weeks apart. How do you feel about celebrating them here, together?”

“Sure.”

“Invite whomever you want, just give me a rough number, so we can plan food accordingly.”

“Okay.”

Minseok frowns and leans his head to the side to try and look at Sehun. “You sure you're alright?”

“I'm fine.”

“Maybe you should lie down.”

“Come with me?”

Minseok huffs out a dramatic sigh. “I suppose.” He taps Sehun's arm, and he's allowed to stand before being hugged from behind and followed to his bedroom.

 

 

Snug against Mineok's chest, Sehun walks his dream again. He's on the street with the nameless buildings, again. They've long since become familiar, but there's an even greater feeling, almost of deja vu, when he looks up at the short building made of pale bricks.

“Why are we always here?”

“Why not?”

Sehun rolls his eyes. He drops onto the bench. The man stiffens, shadowy hands clutching his pants and wrinkling the thighs. “Why won't you tell me who you are?”

“I don't want to.”

“What about what _I_ want?”

“I'm trying to protect you.”

“From what?”

“Me.”

The dream cuts short, but birds are flitting about outside, and Minseok is singing in the kitchen when he wakes up.

 

 

The date for the birthday party is between Sehun's and Lu Han's. Minseok's apartment is packed with people, mostly strangers to Sehun, although Jongin and Chanyeol mingle among the crowd.

Minseok and Lu Han are chatting with another man whose back is to Sehun. He's dressed casually but with great care. Probably another one who comes from money. Sehun's met enough guys like him to naturally try avoiding them, but Minseok sees him and waves him over.

“Sehun! Don't go hide just yet.”

Sehun swallows his sigh and obediently shuffles to Minseok's side. He's immediately drawn against his side by an arm around his waist. “Sehun, this is Kim Joonmyun, a good friend of mine and Lu Han's.”

They bow politely, and Sehun gets a good look at the man's face.

He's handsome, simply put. His jaw is smooth and rounded, giving him a youthful appearance, although if he's friends with Minseok and Lu Han — the age-defying duo — odds are he's older than he looks. His eyes are dark but kind, and Sehun notices a guarded quality. Society sets bars among strangers, but Joonmyun looks ready to bow out fast if need be.

“How do you do? It's nice to meet you.” Even his voice is pleasant.

It's not until Lu Han pinches his side that he realises he's not responded and quickly nods his head with a mumbled “Likewise,” before excusing himself to cool his flushed cheeks on the open balcony. His guts are still squirming.

The fresh air is calming, and he lets his mind wander. The man, Joonmyun, is very attractive and looks so familiar. His breath catches in his throat when he remembers a man with a solemn expression in the Saturday afternoon crowd after the sessions ended. He always looked straight ahead and didn't chat with the others, looking like he was in a hurry to leave.

Joonmyun.

“It's been a long while.” Sehun jumps as Joonmyun joins him on the balcony “Since you were picking up men at the clinic,” he adds, smiling at the wide-eyed stare. “I won't tell; don't worry. I remember you with dyed hair and ripped jeans. People think we addicts are predators, but you had it down to a science, knowing just who to target. ”

Sehun swallows nervously. “It-It was just something fun. I had nothing better to do.”

“How did you learn about the clinic?”

“A friend of mine was a patient.”

“Lu Han.”

“Yeah.”

Joonmyun nods. He figured. The coincidence was unlikely. “He talked about you. Even while in therapy, we set goals for ourselves. Lu Han mentioned meeting someone he felt affection for. He didn't call it love, but it was something more than simply viewing them as a sex object.”

“Oh … .”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that is, though? Why would you think it was a good idea?” Propositioning sex addicts. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

“I do, now.” One of the men Sehun met didn't take being rejected all too kindly. Thankfully, the only harm was to Sehun's blood pressure, and he stopped going to the clinic after that unless it was a day Lu Han was there.

“Why did you keep doing it?”

“I dunno. I felt kind of special for a while, I guess. Confident.”

Joonmyun bobs his head. “Our therapist describes sexual addiction it as 'engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behaviour acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.' Meaning they'll persist in their behaviours despite facing potential health risks, financial problems, shattered relationships,” he ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh, “or even arrest.”

“Were you arrested?”

“Thankfully, no, but there were a few men in my group who were. One's wife called the cops; another was peeping in bathhouses. It sounds humorous, Sehun, but it is very serious. I was depressed for quite a while, because I hated how uncontrollable I felt.”

Sehun offers a small smile and a shrug. “But you're fine, now, right?”

“I don't know if I'd say I'm ' _fine_ ,' but I am better. I've learned how to control myself. I'm very aware of what's appropriate and acceptable, but I am always aware.” He smiles. “When I first saw you, you were standing across from the clinic with rainbow hair and a T-shirt saying 'take me home.' That was great advertising.”

Sehun laughs humourlessly. He feels awful.

“I wanted to ask you, why did you never approach me?” He leans back against the sink.

Sehun wets his lips. “You seemed really distant. Like, politely distant. If I'd said anything to you, it felt like I'd be brushed off and ignored.” He shrugs. “Or yelled at. I kind of thought you were the doctor.” There had been a deeply unsettling clenching in his gut whenever he saw Joonmyun leave the clinic. He wanted to approach him, but he just never built up the courage. It was easier to lean against a wall and tilt his head, letting his body do the talking and for the men to come to him.

“I'm sorry.”

Sehun returns from his thoughts. Joonmyun sits across from him. Sehun frowns, brows drawn over his nose.

“For ignoring you,” the man continues, staring across the courtyard, “in our dreams.”

His stomach swoops. The discomfort is actually familiarity. Deja vu.

“You … ?”

Joonmyun nods. “I was dangerous. I didn't want to hurt you, because I couldn't trust myself.” He leans forward earnestly. “It was nothing you did. I wanted so badly to meet you, to know you, but I just could not justify it. I didn't want to risk jumping you and potentially ruining us before we even started.”

“Why couldn't you just tell me?”

Joonmyun looks ashamed, playing with his fingers and not looking at Sehun. “I didn't know how. I was also kind of selfish, because I thought that if I told you, you'd not want to ever meet me.”

“Hyung.” Sehun recognizes something when he looks in Joomyun's eyes; it’s basically undefinable but he doesn't think he's ever seen it in anybody else. “I don't think anything you could've said would have made me not want to meet you.”

They share a smile and laugh, tension suddenly gone. Their chemistry is intense, greater than anything either has felt before. As they sit in silence, stealing glances, it's as though they never went through the phases of being interested in each other, going out, etc. they're just kind of _together_ , all of the sudden, lightning strike, and it's the most natural thing, as though they had always been together.

 

 

There's a bit of a tug while Sehun's away from Joonmyun, and Sehun knows Joomyun feels it, too — an almost physical sign of their bond.

Minseok's understanding and supportive when Sehun tells him he's finally met his soul mate. After so long and so many dreams, he's happy. They break up on good terms and with some congratulations.

For not really knowing one another, Sehun's and Joonmyun's lives intermingle well. Joonmyun's apartment is filled with books, mostly comics and manga, and action figures. Some are rare enough that Sehun's never seen them before. They geek out over anime and music and food and talk until they're nearly hoarse, so their dinner of take-out — because neither of them are exceptional cooks — is quiet.

Sehun's nerves start to act up as they clear the table and wash dishes. He's not mentioned anything about having to be home at any particular time, but Joonmyun's not invited him to stay, yet.

Thankfully, he doesn't have to say anything. Arms wind around his waist from behind while he's drying dishes. “Stay with me?”

“Can I?” He shivers at lips on his neck.

“Please.”

Dishes be damned, Sehun's spun around and kissed hard on the mouth. It takes little coaxing for Sehun's lips to part, and his knees go a little weak when Joonmyun's tongue skims over his teeth and slides across his own tongue.

He's pulled fully onto his feet, and they trip the short distance to Joonmyun's bedroom, shedding clothing all over.

Sehun's legs hit the mattress, followed by his back, and then Joonmyun.

Joonmyun's kisses are wild and hot, but Sehun doesn't complain. He is more than happy to be ravished. He gropes at the wall above his head for the lightswitch he knows is there somewhere but is stopped by Joonmyun's hand catching his wrist.

“Leave the light on.”

Sehun's heart leaps into his throat. “R-Really? You don't seem the type ... ”

“What type do I seem like?” Joonmyun kisses his neck.

“Uh … ” His vocabulary is greatly reduced; Joonmyun's hands up his chest to his nipples and collarbones make it hard to divide his attention, and he struggles to find words. “Lights-out missionary; wham, bam, thank you, ma'am?”

“Mm.” Joonmyun laughs, breath warm on Sehun's skin. It tingles. He speaks between nips and kisses to Sehun's throat, “The first couple of guys were like that, but then I realised I didn't just like sex with men. I liked _them_ , too. Especially the cute ones.” He lifts his head, admiring the rosy blossoming of bruises and runs the backs of his fingers down Sehun's cheek. “And I like seeing them completely wrecked.”

Sehun blushes from his hairline down his chest. Other guys he's been with talked dirty and could get him completely wound up, but Joonymun actually makes him _feel_. His heart is actually involved, and that's not entirely new, but it's much more intense than he thought possible.

His thoughts probably show on his face, because Joonmyun's smile is tender, but it widens to a cocky smirk when Sehun sits up and straddles his thighs. Chest-to-chest, groin-to-groin, and Sehun still doesn't feel _close enough_.

Joonmyun kisses him, gently, and produces lube and condoms out of thin air. Sehun's eyes have been closed most of the time; he doesn't know where anything is, and with his luck, his shirt is on the neighbour's balcony again.

He takes the opportunity to catch his breath when the tube of lube is pressed into his hand. In his humble opinion, there is no such thing as too much lube, because it makes it feel slightly less like his butthole is being used as a handbag for a flashlight.

He warms some lube between his hands and strokes Joonmyun to full hardness, repeatedly kissing his lips until Joonmyun grabs his neck — just beneath his jaw, thumbs teasingly touching Sehun's ear lobes — and holds him for a firm meeting of the mouths.

Sehun twists his wrist, and the man jerks with a sharp intake of breath. Sehun smiles, taking Joonmyun's bottom lip between his teeth.

“Brat,” Joonmyun mumbles.

“Mm-hm.” He takes the condom from the side table without looking, not breaking their heated liplock as he fumbles with the wrapper and slides it just on the head of Joonmyun's dick. He scoots back with a little gleam and uses his mouth to unroll the condom all the way.

Joonmyun likes this turn of events, evidently, and grabs Sehun's waist. It's something of a mistake, because Sehun is ticklish. He giggles with his nose in Joonmyun's pubic hair and cock nearly down his throat, and the vibration sensation goes right through Joonmyun. He cocks his hips back and forward to thrust into Sehun's mouth a couple times. Sehun keeps his jaw slack and stays as relaxed as possible. A bit of saliva sneaks down his chin.

A wet, hot mouth is great, but a tight ass is better. Joonmyun pulls out of Sehun's mouth, almost as breathless as Sehun is, and simply pushes him over.

Sehun wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he catches his breath, and Joonmyun kneels between his thighs. He begins to get up on his elbows and roll over, but he's stopped with a hand on his hip.

“No, stay on your back.”

“Why?”

“I want to see you.” Joonmyun grabs a pillow. “Lift your hips.”

Sehun frowns. “What's that for?”

Joonmyun kisses the inside of Sehun's right knee. “I don't want to hurt you.”

Sehun scoffs at the gentle treatment, yet his ears burn. “The only way you'd hurt me right now is if you'd push my knees to my ears. I'm not nearly so flexible.”

“No? We could work on that.”

Sehun hooks his knee over Joonmyun's shoulder. “Maybe later.” He licks his bottom lip and grins. His leg falls back to the mattress so he can dig his heels into the bed and lift his butt. The pillow's cool against his skin and is quite refreshing beneath his back.

His abs clench and tremble as the head of Joonmyun's cock stretches the ring of muscle, even though he tries to relax. Joonmyun's hands run up and down Sehun's sides, coaxing him to breathe and relax.

Joonmyun pulls Sehun up by his arms, sitting back on his ankles with the brunet on his lap. Sehun's spine feels like an overcooked noodle. He slumps against the man's chest, clutching his shoulders and ignoring the burning in his thighs.

He feels as if he's being lifting out of the physical world and touching something more immense than himself. Not quite an out-of-body experience, but it's something greater. He almost feels like his heart is flying higher and faster with each beat. He can't remember ever feeling anything like it, even with Zitao.

Sehun runs a hand through his hair; it lays back with sweat. He runs his tongue up Joonmyun's carotid, kissing breathlessly behind his ear. He's not doing much moving on his own, but he clenches around Joonmyun and tugs his earlobe with his teeth, and the man's a goner. He thrusts sharply against the bundle of nerves, and Sehun sees starbursts behind his closed eyelids.

He's lifted him off Joonmyun's lap and flops back to the mattress, utterly spent and feeling boneless. He slowly straightens his legs and closes his eyes. Not moving for a couple three days sounds wonderful.

Joonmyun ties off the condom and drops it into the wastebasket beside the bed as he stands. He grabs his boxers and walks to the bathroom.

Sehun is tired physically but not emotionally. Oftentimes, he'd feel empty and lost after his partner stopped touching him. Even if he was held close, there wasn't the same warmth in his chest.

He opens his eyes and smiles, heartbeat picking up again when Joonmyun wipes down his torso with a damp washcloth. It's warm but leaves a coolness behind that draws goosebumps up over his arms. “You really are a gentleman, aren't you?” he teases.

“Only sometimes.”

“Mm-mm.” Sehun shakes his head. His eyelids are heavy. “You're always really nice. Chivalrous, even; like a prince.” Sehun touches Joonmyun's hand, gently tugging the washcloth away and playing with the man's fingers. “You're not like in my dreams.”

The way he says it makes Joonmyun smile softly, kind of sad and kind of ashamed. “In a good way, I hope.” He brushes Sehun's fringe from his forehead.

“A very good way.” Sehun yawns behind his hand. “You're a good man, hyung.” He turns towards Joonmyun's hand. For all the dreams he's had and years he's waited, he thought he would be somewhat bitter, but he's not. He's happy and feels like he's home for the first time.

Despite everything, he realises that it could be no other way — the choice has already been made. He loved other people in life. He could theoretically have spent his life happily any of them, but he knows he's not supposed to. Thinking like that, it’s never a matter of forcing the relationship to work but rather just letting it unfold as it’s supposed to.

He's tied to Joonmyun for a reason; they're complete when together.


	2. Deal With It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun has NEEDS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written as a sort of bonus for Two Out of Three Ain't Bad. It can stand on its own as well, I guess.

It's four in the morning. Sehun wakes up hard from a dream he can't remember but knows he enjoyed. Joonmyun is still deep asleep beside him, flat on his back with an arm over his torso. Sehun shakes his shoulder, not even bothering to whisper. “Hyung. _Hyung_.”

“Mm?”

“I need you.”

The man rolled onto his stomach and buried his arms beneath the coolness of his pillow. “Go to sleep.”

“I need you _now_.”

“Deal with it yourself.” It isn't uncommon for Sehun to wake Joonmyun up for a quickie, now, but he is often exhausted in the morning. His boss even pulled him aside to ask if he needed more time off, which was when Joonmyun sat Sehun down and set some rules.

They're just guidelines, in Sehun's opinion.

“Just roll on your back! You don't have to do anything. C'mon.”

“I'm tired, Sehun ... ” He turned his head to face the wall.

Sehun frowns and pulls the sheet down. “Then what if I just ... ” His wrist is caught before he even has his fingers in the the waistband of Joonmyun's pyjama pants.

“You're being a brat.” Subtle code for: Knock it off.

Sehun frowns and pulls his arm back. If Joonmyun is going to be like that, fine. He'll just get himself off, and he isn't going to be quiet about it.

Bathroom acoustics are quite lovely because of the hard walls and lack of soft furniture. The small dimensions and hard surfaces produce various kinds of standing waves, reverberation, and echoes, making voices more pleasant. Sehun only knows this because he once had sex with a musician in the studio bathroom. He's pretty sure the guy was high at the time; he was very into the sounds they were making and described them in colour.

With this knowledge, Sehun strips out of his underwear. He hisses a little at the cold air on his dick. Dropping his clothes in the hamper beneath the sink, he barely closes the bathroom door behind him with his heel.

There's a tube of KY in the cabinet behind the mirror, and he tosses it in the air.

The shower tile is practically freezing against his bare shoulders, but he bites his lip and uncaps the lube. He rubs some between his palms and coats his fingers. Through the crack between the door and frame, he sees Joonmyun's on his back again.

He pulls up his shirt to bite the hem and rubs his fingers a bit more before reaching a hand behind himself. One finger's easy to adjust to. He moves it in and out of his hole, clenching experimentally, and lets his head fall back to the tile. Two fingers has him groaning a bit. He crosses his fingers, thrusting shallowly, and then scissors them apart, dragging a moan from his throat.

He drops his chin to his chest an whines in his throat when he reaches his prostate. Taking his cock in his other hand, he forms a ring with his fingers at its base.

“ _Sehun_.”

Sehun opens his eyes again and lets his shirt fall from between his teeth. It's wet with saliva and only falls to sit rumpled on his chest. “Hyung … .”

Joonmyun's hair is a mess, and he's squinting tiredly in the bathroom light, but Sehun counts it as his triumph, because Joonmyun's up and awake and walking to him with a scowl that's more annoyed than actually angry. He removes Sehun's hands from himself and rips the shirt up over his head. “Why do you _insist_ on being such a brat?”

Sehun can't reply with Joonmyun's mouth on his, so he grips the man's hips and grinds against him. Joonmyun allows it only so long before he turns the shower handle on and drenching them both with warm water. He laughs when Sehun jumps in shock.

It does nothing to deter Sehun's erection. He drags Joonmyun's shirt off and tugs at the pants until Joonymun kicks them off himself, pulling the man to press him against the wall.

Joonmyun doesn't give him what he wants, because he is still partly asleep, but he kisses all along Sehun's neck and collarbones and face, taking both their cocks in hand

After a nice, hot shower, Joonmyun is sleepy again. They towel off and pull on some underwear from the pile of laundry neither had put away, yet. Sehun wraps his arms around Joonmyun, nuzzling his face in to his neck, and waddles behind him as they make their way back to bed.

Joonmyun unwraps Sehun's arms and pushes him to lie down. Sehun whines a little and makes grabby hands that Joonmyun dodges. He crawls under the covers to lie on his side and tucks an arm over Sehun's chest.

Sehun doesn't like this; he pushes the man's shoulder. “Hyung. Roll over.”

Joonmyun's too tired to complain and rolls onto his side. He smiles when he feels Sehun mould into his back. A leg drapes over Joonmyun's thigh while an arm slips beneath his own. Their fingers tangle together, and Sehun finally stops squirming with his face at Joonmyun's neck again.

It doesn't take long to fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from a song by Meatloaf.
> 
> THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE. THIS IS NOT MY STYLE AT ALL, BUT I TRIED. 
> 
> I joined the bottom Sehun exchange on LJ for a challenge, and it was more of a struggle than a challenge. Holy man, it was so hard. I was blushing to beat all and giggling like the eight-and-a-half-year-old I truly am ... Never again. No one let me touch anything like this again. Lemme stick to snuggles and cute things.


End file.
